Recently, I uncovered one of my deepest fears. I had an inkling that it was in there, but I never realized just how deep. When I was a little girl, my sister and I would go to our grandmother's house every weekend. As Sunday night rolled around, my mom would pack our bags and inch us towards the door as I cried my eyes out not wanting to say goodbye. When my flute teacher's father passed away, I politely went to the wake and as I stood in front of the casket, I bawled and sniffled. Though I had never met her father before. When I watched the movie "Music of the Heart" and Roberta's husband calls her to say that he's leaving her, I sobbed quietly on the couch.
One of my deepest fears is leaving someone. Recently, I have been faced with the decision to be apart from the person I love. As we both made plans of leaving, an onion of emotions come up. I am jealous. No, I am sad. No, I am excited for time alone. No, I am nervous. After many feelings, it has taken some time to understand them. And what I have uncovered is this. I am afraid of leaving you. I am afraid because I love you and you make me feel safe. I know you are always there for me and will hug me even after a fight. I trust you and share my life with you. I love your smell and eyes.
I am afraid of waking up without you. There I said it. That is what I am afraid of. True feelings. 101.
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