Not Working + Family + Wisconsin

I've fallen into a way. A new way that I wouldn't have found if the past 27 years didn't lead up to it. It's called being surrounded by positivity. I dare you to try it. 

It's tough because sometimes it's out of your control for the moment. But eventually that becomes an excuse. And it's yours to own. 

Every morning for the past 2 1/2 weeks I jumped in a lake. Sometimes with people. Or a dog. Or by myself. I paddle boarded most days. I fell in love with it. I ran up hills. Water skied. Sailed.

I ate 2 big meals a day with cheese. Sandwiches became a staple. Very few greens. And I infrequently ate sweets which for me is abnormal.  I drank weaker coffee and didn't need the caffeine as much. Lots of craft beer and local wine. Water from the faucet. 

I watched and observed. And developed new patterns influenced by those around me. Sometimes they were way out of my comfort zone. But guess who created that comfort zone? And guess who can get themselves out of it? 

What I experienced was not just time in Wisconsin with my "in laws" but an opening for me that I didn't quite understand until now. A lot was exposed. And through that exposition I saw a pattern. And some light shown through. Thank heavens. 

I called my mom and apologized for being an asshole in high school (I really was the biggest pain in the ass). I apologized for hating everything about music growing up when I really could have been playing and creating something beautiful with one of the most talented Clarinetists in the country. I realized that where I come from is not a mistake and has brought me to this exact moment in time. And for that I am grateful. 

I realized that all people are not like the ones I am used to. And I can not judge them based on that. I realized that families can be healthy and communicate. And that there are no specific "roles" that people have to fall into. 

But above all, I experienced a new kind of love. One that I admire deeply. And it is preparing me for the love I hopefully one day will get to give. I found it on the last day when I said goodbye, looked into everyone's eyes and loaded the Uhaul. Eyes. Expressions. Love. Truth. 

I am sincerely thankful that I am able to experience such a rich 2 1/2 weeks, although I don't think you will be able to understand the depth of the impact. Thank you. I love you. Go Packers :)