Why being honest is scary (and necessary)

What do you want? That is the first question I ask my clients when I meet with them. Most of them respond with something like this: "I want to lose 20lb by June so I can look fabulous on the beach". I understand why that is the typical answer. It's safe, normal, numerical, measurable (like most everything in our number obsessed society) and doesn't leave much room for question. Cool. 20lbs. Got it.

But that is not the end of the question. Every goal or "resolution" we desire to achieve comes from a place much deeper than our waistlines. Not to get too forward too quickly (well that's actually thrown out the window), but why the hell do you want to lose 20lbs?!?! Okay, so you said to look better in a swim suit. But why? For whom? What will be different when you are in a bikini weighing 20lbs less.

The desire to reach a goal comes from a place that is much deeper than we want to allow ourselves to process. So many people come to me with these weight loss goals and aspirations that actually have nothing to do with the weight! It has to do with you. And why. And how you want to feel.

I can say from experience that opening up to the why of our desired actions instinctively makes us put up a wall to keep us from becoming vulnerable. Vulnerability is known to be a bad thing. But in my opinion, becoming more vulnerable connects us with honesty which will actually get to the root of our desire.

When I started my journey of health and wellness, I thought I wanted flat abs. That was it. All I wanted was a six pack and I would be happy and everyone would love me and my boyfriend or significant other would think I am the sexiest woman in the world. But as I broke down the barriers of WHY I actually wanted to have these results, it had absolutely nothing to do with my midsection. All I really wanted was to feel a certain way. I didn't actually matter if someone thought I was sexy or if I actually had the flat tummy, it mattered how I felt once I was there. I wanted to FEEL happy. I wanted to FEEL loved. I wanted to FEEL sexy. And a six pack would never get me there.

When it comes to being honest with what you want, it doesn't serve you to pretend like you want something different. Kind of seems obvious but it's surprising how difficult it is. If you want to lose weight to look a certain way it may be interesting to dig a little deeper with that goal. Why do you want that? Will you be happier when you get there?

Be honest with yourself. Be a little vulnerable. It may get you to the root of your desire. Finally.